Day 2 - A Dilemma

Today I am questioning myself. And honestly it might be for a silly reason, but maybe some people who read my blog will get where I'm coming from. So my day started off at my internship, my client didn't show up so I got to leave early. No biggie. Well i decided that I would stop at wal-mart and pick up some cold medicine because I haven't been feeling. Yes, i'll get to the point in just a moment. After walmart, I came back to my apartment building, parked my car and popped open the trunk before finally getting out. I noticed two men walking through the parking lot and I had a gut feeling that one of them would say something to me. Sure enough, one of the men stopped.

"Ma'am, can I ask you a question?" He asked me.

"Sure" I say.

"Do you have 75 cents I can borrow?" And this is where the dilemma begins. When I was at walmart I had just taken out $20 and sure I did only have the $20 bill on me. But I knew I had 75 cents upstairs in my apartment. After these thoughts race through my mind, I say:

"No I'm sorry, I don't have any money on me." And the man thanked me and walked away.

So I walked up the two flights of stairs to my apartment with this exact thought process: what if the man really NEEDED that 75 cents? He didn't look THAT poor. But what if really didn't have a place to stay or just needed some food to eat? What if I had made him wait so I could get the 75 cents from my apartment? Would he have followed me? That could've been dangerous. What would've he have done with the money if i had given him the 75 cents? And etc etc etc.

I know this happens to people a lot, but for some reason this really affected me. First, I think it affected me the most because of my social work mindset. I instantly felt bad for not helping one person and I instantly wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to believe the stereotypical, he'll probably just end up buying alcohol/drugs with the little money i would have give him. The second reason why I think it affected me so much is because as a M.S.W. student,  who am I to judge if someone is poor enough to give money too? Through out my whole academic career as a social work student, I have been taught not to pass judgment upon someone. And here I am, passing judgment in an instantaneous manner. It feels like I haven't learned anything from my social work experience and education. The last reason as to why I think this has affected me so much is why was I fearful of such a nice person? Was it because he was a man? Was it because he was a stranger? My mom always told me that when she was a little girl, there was no reason to be afraid of the people around you. Everyone in the neighborhood knew everyone else and protected one another, what has happened to our society to change that thought process?

Instead of blabbering on (since I know I can since this single event has affected me in an interesting way), it'd be interesting to know what you would've done in this situation? Am i being silly with these thoughts or would you have thought the same thing?

And finally, here's my picture for the day -

Day 2